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Plus, Florida’s manatees are having a rough 2021 and the best Miami bagels.
The New Tropic

🙄 Miamians to Spring Breakers: “You don’t even go here.”

Plus, Florida’s manatees are having a rough 2021 and the best Miami bagels.

Welcome to Tuesday, New Tropic readers.

Some weather we’re having, huh? It’s been absolutely gorgeous out, which — depending on where in Miami-Dade you’re situated — has been an absolute blessing or a curse. More on the 305’s spring break woes below…

💧 What Miami is talking about 

Being born and raised Miami-Dade has its perks. 😊 | Want to see your own picture in this space? Tag either #thenewtropic or @thenewtropic to be featured in our Instagram of the Day. (📸: @azyo)

😑 Whether you live in Miami Beach or were watching the chaos unfold from the relative safety of your social media feeds, the disorder of this past weekend proved to be a spectacle of the highest order.

Where does one even start with recounting the spring break bedlam? Do you go with the guy dressed like the Joker yelling “COVID is over, baby!” while waving the American flag and tossing money from atop a car— we live in a society indeed — or the scenes of pepper balls being shot at revelers on Ocean Drive? Maybe you start the story in medias res and open with the Clevelander choosing to close down rather than deal with any more spring breakers; the car explosion on Collins Ave. that may have caused a power outage definitely deserves a mention somewhere in there.

However you order it chronologically, the chaos culminated in the City of Miami Beach declaring a state of emergency and implementing an 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. curfew through April 12. Just recounting the madness has already taken up a lot of space, so we’ll try to keep this next part short: Folks — and this goes for whether you’re a tourist or a local who’s been cooped up for too long — there’s real virtue in partying responsibly, especially during an ongoing pandemic. Do👏better👏.

In other news…

😞 Today in headlines we could’ve done without: “Florida’s Poop Problem Is Killing Manatees.” The state’s aging sewage infrastructure and resulting leaks, combined with multiple climate crises and our recent spate of cold weather, has made 2021 a deadly year for the friendly sea cow. One shocking statistic: the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has documented 432 manatee deaths between Jan. 1 and March 5, more than half the reported 637 for all of 2020. Once again, we’ve got to do better. (The New Republic)

💉 In case you missed it, Miami-Dade County vaccination sites began accepting appointments for folks 50 and older yesterday. As shared by Mayor Daniella Levine Cava, the age eligibility will drop to 40 and up starting Monday, March 29 before lowering 10 years every subsequent week. (Mayor Daniella Levine Cava via Instagram)

🤔 Who makes the best bagel in Miami? Who cares — that’s the response two of the city’s top circular bread peddlers, El Bagel’s Matteson Koche and the titular Zak Stern of Zak the Baker, have to such a question. (The Infatuation Miami)

💵 A new rental assistance program is rolling out for City of Miami residents next week. Applications open on Monday, March 29, and you can keep pace with updates and whether or not you qualify by visiting Axis Helps South Florida’s website and Instagram page. ➡️️ (Axis Helps via Instagram)

Correction: Friday’s newsletter originally said Alexis “Alex” Rodriguez — who is under investigation for election fraud charges with co-conspirator and former state legislator Frank Artiles — owned a home in Palmetto Bay and lives in Boca Raton. According to subsequent reporting by the Miami Herald, he has not owned property in the area for some time and resided in Delray Beach at the time of his arrest. Thanks to reader Elizabeth N. for the spot.

⏰ Get your orders on time

“Miami time” isn’t in goPuff’s vocabulary. 😉 (📸: @gopuff)

When you order your essentials to your door with goPuff you can expect your delivery in a half-hour or less, which means on-time, not Miami time. They’ve got local favorites like OMG Brigadeiros, desserts from della bowls, and Pamela Wasabi Cookies in addition to all of the grocery basics. 

This week, one lucky member will win a prize pack of goodies from goPuff. The bundle includes two packs of Knaus Berry Cinnamon Rolls, a goodie bag full of local favorites, and $100 in goPuff credit to spend on food, snacks, and everyday essentials. Enter here for your chance to win — good luck!

Promotion from Miami Dade College

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Get back to living and learning at Miami Dade College. FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE is available NOW for summer term.

Classes start May 10.

Today

🖼 Check out the opening of Miami artist William Osorio's new exhibit "Margins of Truth" at LnS Gallery — on display March 17 through May 21 (Miami)

Thursday

🗣️ Explore rising above resilience and the pursuit of equity for women around the world during this virtual panel spotlighting five trailblazing Miami women (Online)

Friday

🔍 Hear from HistoryMiami Museum’s resident historian Dr. Paul George about the past of Hollywood Boulevard and other local landmarks (Online)

🎸 Join Miami band Jaialai in celebrating their new EP "As Sweet As I Was" as part of the Live on the Plaza concert series (Downtown)

💡 Take part in MiamiEdTech's collaborative #SheCanLead Stem Mentorship Workshop detailing how young women can get a leg up on starting their STEM career (Online)

🎷 Check out singer Melanie Charles' genre-bending sounds during the latest installment of Jazz at MOCA (Online)

Saturday

🎤 Answer the age-old question of "to beat or not to beat" with this improvised Shakespearean hip-hop experience (Coral Gables)

🏖 Help Miami visual artist Haiiileen, ARTECHOUSE, and Surfrider Miami out with a community beach cleanup (Miami Beach)

💃 Shake your hips during a socially distantced outdoor dance performance from Siudy Garrido Flamenco Company (Cutler Bay)

Sunday

🎶 Bring the kiddos to a live orchestral performance of The Purple Palace, narrated by Neil Nelson at Pinecrest Gardens (Pinecrest and Online)

☝️ One more thing...

If you don’t have an aversion to strong language, need a laugh, or would just like some reassurance that Saturday’s display wasn’t by locals, be sure to check out this viral video by Derek Lane.

Stay sane out there,

Zach & The New Tropic

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