"One of Those Giddy Women"
I feel like for most of my RJ, I was like those “women” giddy over the idea of my marriage being restored. I would wake up each morning in anticipation that my EH would call or just show up. Reading “The Love of My Life” at first grieved me to read that my HH was on bended knee just waiting for me to answer. And I know that He would have waited and waited for me because He is a Gentleman. I know that He removed my EH from my life because I had made him an idol in my life. I thought that he was all I needed, all that I wanted and all that I lived for. Why did I need some else? Why did I need to look to the Lord when I thought my EH had “hung the moon.”
When my marriage was ending I became someone who I didn’t recognize. I became angry and bitter. I also begged and pleaded that my EH would reconsider. I tried everything in my “power” to change his mind and heart. But I didn’t realize that I was fighting an endless battle. I was the reason why the hate wall is still present between us. Also this is why my EH married the OW, isn’t that what the lesson Divorced says will happen?
Thankfully over the last few years, I have grown closer and closer to Someone who is there for me and will not forsake me. He loves me more, even when I do not deserve His unconditional love. He allowed me to go into the “pit” and realize that I needed someone bigger than myself. I needed Him!! I am so thankful that He rescued me from myself. He wrapped His arms around me and dried those tears that the “world” caused. He gave me grace even when I felt like I didn’t deserve what I was going through.
Looking back over the last 3 years of this RJ, I am ashamed of many things. The biggest of them is that I did not seek Him first. I allowed my thoughts and feelings drive me to fight a battle that I am not meant to fight. This journey in the beginning was just to get back my “old” life. But I do not want that anymore. I do not want to walk this life without Him. I want to be able spend my time with Someone who actually wants to be with me. I love waking up in the morning and smiling because I know that He is control. That He has my day already planned out. And that He is walking this day with me.
Pray with me: Dear Lord, I’m ashamed that I allowed myself for many years to believe that I didn’t need You. I ashamed that I placed my EH on a pedestal and thought he was all I needed. I know that You grieved each time that I looked the other way when You were trying to get my attention. I remember the times when I felt like I needed to talk to You or dig out Your word, and just continued to ignore those nudges. I am sorry that I allowed these times to pass by. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for continue to talk to me gently and for your patience. I come today, asking You to continue speaking to me. I ask that you silence my thoughts so I can hear Your soft-quiet voice speaking to me. I don’t want to walk away from this life with You. I know that I would fail if I did. Help me to see You and praise You how You deserve to be. Thank you for each day that You give me. Thank you for allow these things to happen in my life to bring me back to a relationship that is so much more than I deserve.
Dear Brides, Yes, I know that you are not where you expected to be. I know that sometimes you think that life would be better if your EH would just come home. But don’t allow this time that our HH has given you to be wasted. He brought you here to spend time with Him and bring you back to the One who will not forsake you. He wants to heal the places in your heart that has been broken. He wants you to see that He is all you need! He just wants your heart to be His. I have times too that my heart longs for someone else but He gently reminds me that they will not be able to fill that void that He can only fill. This is a journey, it’s a life journey. Allow Him to hold your hand and walk along with you. Don’t miss out on what He wants to give you.
"She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say,‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now." (Hosea 2:7 NIV)
I was this women, I chased after my EH and then I realized that I am better now with my HH.
You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavily on me; you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape my eyes are dim with grief. (Psalm 88: 6-9 NIV)
I was in the pit, I was overwhelmed and He allowed my EH to be removed from my life. I made my EH an idol.
Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. (Revelation 2:4 NIV)
I allowed myself to walk away from the One who deserved my attention. He brought me back! He started a new relationship with Him.
~ Leslie L. in Ohio admits she did everything wrong, and yet He proved He was in control. He led Leslie through divorce after trying other methods as a stander, but very soon He showed her the love and mercy she’d always yearned for. Now Leslie is ready and training to help others.