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1-800-HEYLAURA is a bi-monthly newsletter dedicated to accessible sex and body image thought-starters. Each edition explores varied topics under a central theme to keep you motivated in your exploration through snackable facts, love notes, and personal challenges. 
From now until April 18th, 2019, 1-800-HEYLAURA will take on the theme SIZE as it relates to sex, body image, and confidence. 

This Week: Plus-Size Sex
Dear Reader,

I’m a good 24 hours late on sending out this edition. And while I am super sorry about that, the reason behind my tardiness aligns perfectly with this 1-800-HEYLAURA: I just had 48 hours of great sex. Like, the kind of sex you store in your brain for when your alone and need to get off. Each time ended with me scrunched into a puddle on the floor as my eyes dilated to a euphoric, orgasmic rhythm. I’m proud of this. I’m proud of the fact that I’m a size 18/20 woman with an impressive array of sex toys and lovers who will do anything to make sure all my needs are being met. I am my own sexual dream girl. 

However, sexual autonomy wasn’t easy for me. I was always that girl who had to turn the lights off, had to wear a t-shirt, who would never dare get on top for fear of 1. Being too heavy and 2. My sex partner seeing me in an unflattering angle. The first time I had sex, I refused to come out from under the blankets. It even took years to feel comfortable enough to show my stomach to another person. 

Body image and sexual autonomy go hand-in-hand. Learning to love your body through positive practice will allow for a more confident sex life. Taking off your clothes is a vulnerable act — when you’ve spent your whole life being told your body isn’t good enough, that act becomes a lot harder to do. We are getting one step closer to this actualization, babes. I want you to be sweaty and jiggly and a total queen of your XXL, sexual domain. 

Here, an edition all about plus-size sex. 

Every Body Has Limitations. There are these weird myths about plus-size sex; one of them being that fat, plus-size, chubby bodies are too round, too in the way, not athletic enough to have sex. I’m hardcore rolling my eyes at this one thinking of every single position I’ve tried in my sexual history. This myth is rooted in mobility assumptions around fat bodies — apparently we all have bad backs, knees, and can barely walk up steps. Ugghhh, whatever. You can’t tell me that all thin people are the pinnacle of body mobility. You can’t tell me that someone who’s 5’5’ doesn’t have trouble having sex with someone who is 6’5’. Bodies are weird and achy and have limitations no matter your size. Use this to your advantage and find new ways to touch and be touched by your partner. 
Watching BBW Porn. First, let me quickly say that porn is a fantasy and using terms like BBW do not help how plus-size, fat, chubby bodies are non-consensually fetishized on a regular basis (raise your hand if you’re plus-size woman on a dating app and have had a match point-blank ask if they could feed you). BUT! I will say that it’s kind of amazing to watch a body that looks like yours (or doesn’t look like yours) have sex. It tells your brain “HEY! This is super hot and totally doable” while also recognizing just how hot your body is! Let this be your way of finding inspiration amongst the plus-size people who are having super hot sex on-camera, and loving their body while doing it. I bet you all the money that Zac Efron watches BBW born! 
What Jiggles. Okay. For one second, let’s pretend that we have never been told that having fat on our bodies was a bad thing. Are we there? Good. Now, take another second to actually rub, grab, spank, press into your body. Isn’t it kind of nice? Everything feels really soft and sensual; goddess-like even! In the second edition of 1-800-HEYLAURA, The Toolkit outlined how to gain confidence and love your body as is — and a lot of it has to do with exposure therapy: exposing yourself to something that you’re not used to seeing until it becomes natural. Loving your jiggly bits isn’t easy, but taking the time to look at them, touch them, appreciate them is a direct path to loving yourself and your body. 
Get On Top. A week or so ago I asked you what you were nervous about when I comes to having plus-size sex, and the number one ask, question, concern was about getting on top of your partner. As a tried-and-true, forever fat girl, I have to admit: This one still makes me a little nervous. I’ve spent my whole life thinking I was too big to be held, picked up, to sit on anyone’s lap, too big to ever borrow a partner’s t-shirt — so why would I risk getting on top of another person who can physically feel my weight AND has full view of my belly, thighs, double-chin from an unflattering angle?

Babes, let me tell you something . . . well, a few things: 
  1. Sex is 90% mental and 10% physical. If you’re not 90% there, it doesn’t matter how thin, athletic, adventurous you are, you’re never going to enjoy it. Finding ways to feel more confident in bed and reaching that 90%, derives from working on yourself every single day. Confidence is something you find for yourself by trying new things, pushing those boundaries, having new experiences, and letting yourself live! We all have insecurities, but try putting those insecurities to the side for a little while when you’re naked with your partner. You’ll be surprised how much more fun you’ll have!
  2. You’re not going to break your partner if you get on top. That’s not a thing. Here is why: There are pain receptors in your body. You can tell if something hurts or not. Plus, it doesn’t matter your size, your weight is not fully resting on your partner’s body because it’s being cushioned by your legs, thighs, hips, core. This isn’t real, so let’s all start getting on top!
  3. Queening. Queening is the act of sitting on your partner’s face, also known as Facesitting. This is so hot, and even hotter when you recognize that the person below you is lucky they get to be at the apex of your genitalia, thighs, and ass. Queening is all about power; having power over your partner by sitting on their face for your own benefit. This is a thing. Look it up. You’re welcome, queen. 
  4. What would you do in this naked, on-top scenario if you were thin? Got it in your brain? Now, do it. You have access to all the same moves and positions; allow yourself to move, be jiggly, go wild! You’ll have so much more fun that way! 
  5. Ya look hot and your partner is very excited this is happening! 
Sex positions for plus-size bodies are the exact same for non-plus-size bodies. Bigger doesn’t mean there are a whole other set of rules and positions! The classics will always work, but it’s now just about making it work for your body! Not everyone can do yoga as is, right? That’s why modifications are there! Here, some of my tricks for all bodies! 

Missionary — If you’re like me and your belly is getting in the way, try putting yourself at an angle so that your bottom is higher up than your head. This will allow more access to your genitalia while also meeting your partner at their hips. Try a Dame Pillo; a soft + firm wedge piece that you can place under your butt to lift your hips higher!

Cowgirl — The key to this is support. Ask your partner to place their hands out to hold up the top half of your body, place a pillow between the both of you to have something to hold on to, bend over and hold on to your partner! Find ways to hold on to keep your balance! Something I do a lot: If my sex partner is smaller than me (also, so hot), I will place small pillow on either sides of their body so that I have more mass for my thighs to cling to when I’m moving. 

Doggy — If your ass and thighs are very thick (also, congratulations on that), you might find that access to your genitalia is the issue in this position! Small moves like placing a pillow under your belly, resting your forearms down while your ass is up, using toys with a longer length will allow for better access to your bits! Also, no one is above spreading your ass cheeks in the name of hot sex! DO IT!

Spoon — Lifting a leg up or putting yourself at an angle will make this a little easier if you’re having access issues to genitalia i.e. everyone forever no matter what your body size is. 
Every year, Pornhub (yes, THE Pornhub) releases their yearly streaming stats to the public dedicated to who, what, where, how, time spent on porn watching. It’s actually the most incredible amount of data that can tell us a lot about human sexuality. In 2015, they created a special stats category around BBW porn. That was also the year of major strides around body positivity as more plus-size bodies became front-and-center in the fashion and wellness conversation. There was a 47% increase in curvy porn in that year AND they even released a heat-map of the areas actively looking for that category. In the 2018 review, 35-44-year-olds were 27% more into watching BBW porn than the other age demographics. 

This is interesting. When was the last time you saw a plus-size woman in film or on a tv show where she was portrayed as sexy? And not, the joke is that you’re sexy. Just sexy. I can’t think of one. I am always met with Fat Monica, Fat Amy characters who’s entire motivation and storyline is around their weight. Never the object of someone’s lusty fantasy. This tells me that we’re all searching for it (like Zac Efron), but no one is talking about it.

One of the reasons I do what I do (i.e. wear lingerie on Instagram and overshare everything about my life) is because I absolutely believe that if I saw someone like me who was very confident in her sexual prowess, maybe things would have been different when I was a teen. Maybe I wouldn’t have hated myself so much. And maybe I would have found body positivity a lot faster. Plus, the more vocal I am (and we are) about our plus-size sex the better we will be represented as sexual beings — and not just the joke of the sex scene. Talk about your sex life, let everyone know that it’s super hot, and let’s all work towards making sexual representations of larger bodies seen in a positive light. 

(Below images provided by Pornhub)
Here, an A-Z Ode To Loving Your Plus-Size Body — in case you ever need a reminder. 

A Is For Always Being On
B Is For Bold Prints Across Visible Bellies
C Is For Cheerleading For Yourself.
D Is For Deserving Clothes, Opportunities, Products, Respect
E Is For The Excuse Me When Your Ass Bumps The Other Table
F Is For Fishnets 
G Is For Getting Whatever You Want
H Is For Finding Panties That Fit Over Your Hips
I Is For I Need To See More
J Is For Just Fucking Being Yourself And Owning That
K Is For Keeping Your Keys, Wallet, Phone, Lip Balm In Your Bra
L Is For Loving Your Body
M Is For Mirrors . . . We Look Great In Mirrors
N Is For Never Letting Anyone Make You Feel Like You Don’t Belong
O Is For Owning 5 Pairs Of The Same Pants In Case They Ever Discontinue
P Is For Plus-Size, Plus Size, +size Or However It’s Spelled
Q Is For Quit Being Horrible To Yourself
R Is For Red Lips
S Is For Great Sex 
T Is For Taking Up Physical, Mental, Emotional Space For Yourself
U Is For Unapologetically Living Your Life
V Is For Vain Selfies
W Is For Worship Me
X Is For You X Brand 
Y Is For You Look Good, Babe.
Z Is For Zoomy Cabs While Changing Into Night Out Look
Did you know that you can ask me anonymous questions any time that you want? It is true. See below for some answers!

Hi Laura! Thanks for the work you do. I have fantasies about being spanked and dominated by men. And I feel like there’s something wrong with me for that. Is there anything pathological about wanting to be roughly fucked? I ask because bdsm often mirrors patriarchal roles and I feel guilty about finding pleasure in it. 
Hi hello! There is nothing wrong with you! Everything you’re saying is super hot! There is such an interesting conversation here about when our personal beliefs and politics don’t intersect (or the complete opposite) of what we want in bed. And while, I’m not a doctor I will say that sex has a tendency to tell us about the things we want and need. I am a very adamant feminist and still find it very hot to hand my male lover all my power and consent; trusting him implicitly to act out all of my sexual fantasies. If all parties involved are consenting adults, know the limits, understand the boundaries, recognize the safewords, and have respect for one another, then you should have all the rough sex you want! 

I recently started having sex for the first time. My partner really likes doggy and I find it’s the best position to turn me on, but he often grabs my stomach during sex in that position. As a size 10, I’ve struggled with my body for most of my life, especially my stomach. How can I broach the conversation of asking him not to grab my stomach while still showing I enjoy the sex?
Hi Hi! This is what you do. Next time you’re eating dinner, say “Hey babe, I love the sex we have. I’m still struggling with how I feel about my belly. I’d love it if you could steer clear of that area when we are in bed so I feel more comfortable! I know you think it's beautiful and amazing, but I really would find this super helpful.” I know, I know, this sounds a lot easier than it actually is to be vulnerable with your partner. Here is something I know for a fact: He wants you to be having a great time. He wants to know what you like and dislike. So, tell him! Take a deep breath, hold his hand, and let your feelings known! 

Can you talk about plus-size virginity…is it normal to still be a virgin at 22?????
Yes! I can! Here is a list of totally fine things:
  • Being a virgin
  • Being a 22-year-old virgin
  • Being plus-size 
  • Being a plus-size virgin
  • Being shy about sex
  • Not being shy about sex
  • Taking your time to find your confidence
  • Wanting to have sex, like, today
  • Throwing away antiquated ideas about having sex and how that, for some reason, gives you value because another person wants to have sex with you. 
  • Being a 32-year-old woman who talks about Zac Efron like she knows him :) 
My dearest reader — I love reading your messages! I love your DMs about your body positive accomplishment. I love it when you tell me I was your inspiration to have that convo, wear that bikini, ask for more from your sex life. I’m super lucky to have the opportunities I do with the life that I have in the body I’ve got. I’ve worked super hard to get here: to be a published writer, a speaker, a model, a nude model, a professional creative, a woman with tons of lovers and sex toys. And I did all of it with a fat body. When told I couldn’t, I did. When told “too much,” I said “I’m barely getting started.” I promise you, your body is not a fault. It’s your power. Use it and do what you want with it. 


NEXT EDITION: March 21sh, 2019 — Theme: Size, Edition: Emotional Capacity

Email me at
GOT A QUESTION? / 413.353.4972
FOLLOW ON INSTAGRAM @heylauraheyyy
1-800-HEYLAURA is a bi-monthly newsletter dedicated to sex and body image. Each edition comes (read: cums) in your inbox the first and third of every month.
DISCLAIMER: 1-800-HEYLAURA is not a licensed medical practitioner and not responsible for any E.R. trips as a result of the previous, future, and above advice — you still need to make an effort to see what can and cannot be put inside of you; she is just a person with an insane thought that all people should have the autonomy to explore, pleasure, and love themselves. 

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