Overheard in the Woods . . .
GLOM-GLOM: Glom glom glom glom-glom-glom.
COLBY: I know. I know. It’s a sad state of affairs in this refrigerator. And the pantry isn’t much better. We’ll have to go out and eat.
GLOM-GLOM: Glom glom.
COLBY: I know. You eat out all the time. And we drank all the beer last night so . . .
BOB: Hey, what’s going on?
COLBY: Oh, good morning, sleepy-eyed beardy man. Glom-Glom and I were just discussing the sad state of affairs in your refrigerator. There’s, ah, well, there’s no nice way to put this, but we’re not cannibals, so . . .
BOB: You also weren’t invited, so it’s a bit rude to put that on me, don’t you think?
COLBY: You lead a very lonely life, beardy man, if you don’t have staples in your pantry for all sorts of guests.
BOB: This is my cabin in the woods. It’s supposed to be lonely. No, wait, solitary. It’s supposed to be solitary. Peaceful. Restful.
COLBY: I hear ya, beardy man. But—
BOB: Your moose friend there came into my room last night. He stood at the foot of my bed and stared at me.
COLBY: Well, maybe he’s never seen a beardy man sleep before.
BOB: He was there for an hour.
COLBY: Oh. Really? An hour?
GLOM-GLOM: Glom. Glom glom glom.
BOB: What did he say?
COLBY: He says it took a while for the novelty to wear off.
BOB: Are you two going to be staying very long?
COLBY: Through the weekend.
BOB: Oh, just the weekend.
COLBY: Maybe next week too.
GLOM-GLOM: Glom glom.
COLBY: It depends on whether you get more beer.
BOB: I’m not sure there is enough beer to world to manage having a marmot and moose as house guests for a week.
COLBY: Oh, you’d rather be up here by yourself, sulking?
BOB: I’m not sulking.
COLBY: Fine, being all "solitary." Whatever you want to call it.
BOB: I’m reflecting on . . . things.
COLBY: Uh huh. You know what we call staring at your reflection in the mirror for long periods of time?
BOB: No, what?
COLBY: Exactly. Don’t be that guy, beardy man.
BOB: What guy?
COLBY: A narcissist. All that navel-gazing is bad for you. You need to spend time with other people.
BOB: You two don’t qualify as people.
COLBY: Oh, now you’re just being mean. Look, you’ve hurt his feelings.
GLOM-GLOM: glom glom glom?
COLBY: No, you don’t have to go. He didn’t mean that.
BOB: Oh, don’t—don’t do that.
COLBY: It’s okay. Just let him out. Yeah. Just open the door. He’ll—don’t go far, Glom-Glom. He’ll be getting more beer soon.
BOB: I wasn’t . . .
COLBY: I can’t believe you made the moose sad.