Power with Heart News - May/June 2013
Right Use of Power Institute

Right Use of Power

power with heart news

July/August 2013

Greetings <<First Name>>!
This issue is packed with several great articles to add to your summer reading. The theme this month is all about intention. What is the importance of intention? How do our intentions impact others? Is intention more important than our impact? We encourage your comments and discussion as you explore this topic.

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In this issue you will find:

An Article by Cedar Barstow                                 3 Obstacles to Doing the Right Thing

Featured mini-course: Intention & Impact             New Facilitators: Lewes, England
Guild Member Feature: Sallie Ingle                      How to Spot a Liar

Earn CEUs at Home

Featured Mini-Course:
Impact and Intention

CE Hours =1
This mini-course will give you more background on the topic of the article.

You'll learn what to do, and what NOT to do, when your impact doesn't match your intention.

Amanda just told me about how excited she was (at age 7) to help her mother weed the garden, only to see a devastated look on her mother's face when she saw ALL her daffodils competently pulled up by the roots.

There are many other CEU Mini-Courses that you can browse online.

Workshops & Trainings

Madison, WI / TIBA

Ethics as Self Care

September 20, 2013

Presented by Kathy Ginn


Esalen Institute, Big Sur, California

Power with Heart: An Owner's Guide

October 4-6, 2013

Presented by Cedar Barstow, M.Ed., C.H.T.

Contact: Esalen Institute


Boulder, Colorado

Right Use of Power Workshop:
January 25-26, 2014

Facilitator's Training:
June 27-28, 2014

Presented by Cedar Barstow, M.Ed., C.H.T.

Contact: Cedar Barstow

3 Obstacles to Doing the Right Thing


Why don’t we do the right thing more often? What gets in the way?

There are three major explanations for ethically unintelligent behavior, and they’re easy to remember because they all start — and appropriately so — with f: fear, focus on short-term benefits, and foul mood. Let’s look at each one more closely.

1. Fear. At the root of peer pressure is fear: the fear of not being accepted. Young people are especially susceptible to this type of fear since kids and adolescents value approval so much. It still bothers me that I stole a pocket-sized can of breath spray from a pharmacy when I was ten simply because a friend urged me to do it. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway.

But fear gives rise to a lot of unethical behavior among adults, too. When you know your boss has a drinking problem, you may fear reprisals if you intervene in some way (by contacting your organization’s employee assistance program, for example). Even if your company has a policy that prohibits retaliation, you might decide to do nothing about the problem because you don’t want your boss to be angry with you in the event that he or she finds out it was you who intervened. We all want to be on good terms with our supervisors, but the lengths to which we go to achieve this can be at odds with ethical intelligence.

2. Focus on short-term benefits. As someone who struggles constantly with weight, I know all too well how tempting those vanilla cupcakes with chocolate buttercream frosting from Magnolia Bakery can be. I also know that if I eat one and I’m not willing to work out for an extra hour to burn it off, then I’ll pay a price — but, heck, it looks so good, why not indulge now and worry about the results later? Placing a greater priority on immediate benefits (in this case, intense gustatory pleasure) than on long-term benefits (such as maintaining a healthy weight) Is a problem that can crop up in many contexts — not just when it comes to deciding whether to wolf down a tasty morsel but also when it comes to matters of far greater importance, such as how to do business.

For example, some businesses outsource their customer service positions because overseas jobs cost less, which means profits will be greater. However, companies that engage in this practice can generate so much ill will among their customers, who are frustrated with being unable to communicate effectively with their “customer care associates,” that in the long run these businesses may lose the very people they claim to be serving. Yes, the marketplace is increasingly crowded, and the pressure to be profitable is greater than ever. But businesses that keep customer service jobs at home are both ethically intelligent and more likely to remain profitable far beyond the next several quarters.

3. Foul mood. It’s hard to treat others with kindness when you haven’t had enough sleep, you’ve just gotten some bad news, or you’re having problems with a relationship. When you’re feeling bad, it’s more difficult to restrain the impulse to be nasty or even hurtful. You know that person in your life who knows exactly what it takes to push your buttons and does so at every opportunity? It’s their own emotional issues, rather than anything you’ve said or done, that’s most likely at the heart of this anti-social behavior.

Make no mistake: I’m merely trying to explain, not justify, why it’s sometimes challenging to live according to the five principles of ethical intelligence (Do No Harm, Make Things Better, Respect Others, Be Fair, and Care). But if you’re aware of the things that are likely to trip you up, you can be on guard against them and improve the odds of making ethically intelligent choices. Understanding a problem is the first step toward fixing it and preventing it from recurring.

How Could Having A Good Intention Cause Harm?

An Article by Cedar Barstow

Once I invited someone to take my workshop, and she replied:  "Oh, I don't need to take your right use of power workshop.  I won't cause any harm because I have good intentions."  I want to talk about how good intentions are necessary but not nearly enough for ethical use of power. 
The simplest reason is the profound fact that our impact doesn't always match our intention.  In the example described in this article, the therapist's intention was to set good and ethical boundaries with her client.  The impact on her client, as you will see, was that her client felt hurt, abandoned, betrayed, confused, and wrong.

Read the rest of the article at

Sallie Ingle

Featured Guild Member

Sallie E. Ingle MA LPC-S is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor in private practice in Texas.  She is also a certified trainer for the Olweus Bully Prevention Program, a research-based, comprehensive, school-wide program designed to reduce and prevent bullying problems among school children and to improve peer relations at school. 

“Cedar’s Right Use of Power training was a toolkit I put into use immediately.  I had the opportunity to work with high school student leaders just weeks after the training with Cedar.  The exercises and conversations about power up and down positions, acceptance of power, and responsibility for power were transformational and brought awareness and new language to the students that they grasped and used instantly.  Conversations at these training opened new dialogue between the students and adults on their campus, and panel discussions are now planned for the students to share their insights and experiences of bullying power dynamics with the teaching and administrative teams this summer.  I will be using the Right Use of Power material with adults across the district as well as we begin to address the issues of adult to adult bullying.”

Eleven New Facilitators
Lewes, England

Pictured above are the 19 members of the RUP workshop in Lewes, England, including the eleven new Facilitators!  What an enthusiastic and diverse group coming from several networks:  Subud, Hakomi, Transition Lewes, and Be The Change.  Their interests include empowering women who have been abused, and integrating RUP into the Transition movement and into more Hakomi Trainings.  This workshop was co-facilitated by Cedar and Ren.  Here are some responses:  "I really got the reframing of the up-power and down-power positions and that they are both okay."  "The 150% principle is enlightening."  "Loved the power staff process.  Keep that one!"  "I'd like to understand even more about how under-using power is a problem."  "The simplicity and work around the shame dungeon will be so useful to me."  "Feedback as an investment in relationship--that's a new one for me--great."  "The humor and honesty really supported my learning."  I'm excited about the aspects of RUP that they will develop and all the places these folks will take it to.  The threesome of Prue, Athina, and Sue, already have a workshop scheduled.

How to Spot a Liar 

Harvard Business School Working Knowledge

Findings from new research into deception in negotiation shows that there are perceivable signs of dishonesty during business negotiations, and also to differentiate between flat-out lying and deception by omission.  
There are two types of dishonesty - deliberate and emotional. In the second case, emotional dishonesty, the person can often be unaware of their dishonesty.

The research was focused on indicators of deliberate dishonesty as a negotiation strategy:
  • Blatant liars use many more words than truth-tellers, in an attempt to win over suspicion
  • Deceivers by omission use the least words, speak the least, much less than truth-tellers
  • Liars use significantly more swear-words 
  • Liars avoid first-person pronoun, use third-person to distance themselves from owning up to the lie
  • Liars use more complex sentence structure
  • Receivers trust outright liars far more than they do those who omit information. It turns out that 'just don't tell them' is a very poor deception strategy. 
  • Face-to-face lying is far more successful than lying by email
These perceptible factors are considered by the researchers to be associated with lies and deception, and: "prompt greater vigilance and further investigation regarding the veracity of the people with whom we are dealing."
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