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In this issue:

  1. New When Sadness Becomes Depression
  2. Parenting: Putting Yourself First
  3. Attachment Styles and Relationships
  4. Manage Anxiety by Slowing Down
  5. Clinician's Wanted
  6. How to Parent So Kids will Listen

Appointments Available 
Call or TEXT us at
(541) 868-2004

for Portland, Eugene & Corvallis Appointments

Is it Sadness or Depression?

Sadness is a normal reaction to grief, loneliness, and other difficult experiences. When you’re going through a hard time, or have suffered an especially devastating emotional blow, sadness can last a long time and be deep and painful. Grief and sadness are powerful emotions, but they are different from clinical depression. How can you tell when sadness becomes depression?



Symptoms of depression can mimic expressions of sadness, but they don’t dissipate over time. These symptoms often include the following:

Change in Appetite

This may mean under or over-eating, but both can be symptoms of depression. A change in appetite may indicate a depressive episode if you are either gaining or losing a significant amount of weight without trying.

Change in Sleep Patterns

Again, this may mean sleeping more and having difficulty waking up in the morning, or experiencing restlessness and insomnia. Either way, if it interferes with your daily activities, it is a symptom to consider when trying to determine if you are depressed.

Feeling Worthless, Hopeless, or Guilty

Everyone gets discouraged, but when these types of negative feelings persist and begin to color your outlook on life, it may indicate more than a fit of the blues.

Irritability

People vary in their tolerance levels, and we all have bad days. If your bad days are starting to outweigh the good ones, pay attention to whether a consistently short fuse or uncharacteristic irritability may be more than a normal reaction to circumstances.

Lack of Energy

People suffering from depression often feel slow, tired, and unmotivated. If you haven’t been sleeping or eating well, you may think it’s simply a result of these physical factors, but if lack of energy accompanies other symptoms, don’t ignore it.

Difficulty Concentrating

Depression can interfere with a person’s ability to think clearly, focus for any length of time, and make decisions.

Loss of Pleasure

Most of us have an activity that we find absorbing and enjoyable, something that takes our mind off our troubles. For people with depression, those pleasurable activities may no longer hold the same satisfaction.

Loss of Interest

Closely linked to a loss of pleasure is a loss of interest in daily activities. If you are suffering from depression you may feel that much of daily life is insignificant, making it hard to take an interest in things like conversing with others, making plans, or accomplishing daily tasks.

Thoughts of Death or Suicide

Whether you have a plan for committing suicide or not, recurring thoughts of death or suicide are a red flag. Thoughts like these are an indication that depression may be clouding your judgment.

When to Seek Help

Mental health professionals generally agree on a diagnosis of depression if you experience at least five of these symptoms on most days for two weeks or more. However, if you suspect that you or your loved one may be suffering from depression, it’s always a good idea to seek help. A professional can help you determine whether you are dealing with sadness or clinical depression. More importantly, they can give you the tools and support to manage your symptoms and improve your mental and emotional health.

It's important to know that depression is a treatable condition. By knowing the signs you can help yourself or others get the help needed to improve. 

Text or call us at 541-868-2004 to speak with an Intake Therapist.

Putting Yourself First​ in Parenting


We’re all familiar with the safety instructions the flight attendant gives all passengers on a plane: when it comes to safety—put yourself first. It makes perfect sense when we have that urgent image of an oxygen mask dangling in front of us. The only way we can help others in such a situation is if we ourselves have the oxygen we need to think clearly, act quickly, and make good judgements. What we often forget is that the same principle applies in other areas of our lives, including parenting.  

It can be hard to remember to put yourself first—or even prioritize yourself at all—when raising children. But it’s every bit as important to put yourself first in parenting as it is to put yourself first in an emergency. Engaging in self-care is not a sign of selfishness. It’s a sign of good parenting, and can have lasting benefits for both you and your children. Here are just three of the benefits you and your family can reap when you take care of yourself and make time for the things you love.

Putting yourself first enables you to be a better parent

The reaction of many parents when told that they need to put themselves first is, “I can’t. There are too many things I need to do for my kids—how can I put myself first and still have time and energy for them?” Although it’s counterintuitive, taking care of yourself actually makes you more capable of taking care of your family. The energy and peace you derive from regular self-care will spread to the way you parent—making you more patient and present when you are with your children.

Putting yourself first models behavior for your children

Remember, parenting involves more than providing your children with the necessities of life and teaching them right from wrong. Your behavior as a parent teaches your children about self-esteem, relationships, dealing with stress, and being an adult. Self-care is an important lesson for your children to learn. As you take time for yourself, you can show them how to develop healthy self-esteem and teach them that there is give and take in any strong relationship. By taking care of yourself, you demonstrate to your family that it’s okay for them to nurture and care for themselves, and that a person’s individuality is important.

Putting yourself first creates a happier home

We all need time and space to recharge, to connect with our true selves, and to do the things that bring us joy. You’ll find that you are happier and have a better attitude when you put yourself first—and as a parent, your mood often sets the tone for the whole family. As your self-care becomes a habit, your children will learn to respect your time and understand that you are simply putting that oxygen mask on first, so that you can be your best self when you’re with them. You and your family will all be happier and healthier as a result.

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Text or call us at 541-868-2004 to speak with an Intake Therapist.

Attachment Styles and Couples Relationships

How to Develop a Secure Attachment Style with Your Partner

Differing attachment styles are at the heart of many relationship problems. If you and your partner feel disconnected or insecure, it’s possible that the two of you have different attachment styles, and that the conflict stems from this. In this article we’ll describe the four primary attachment styles and share some tips for how to develop a secure attachment style with your partner.

Secure Attachment Style

A secure attachment style is the one we all aim for in our relationships—where we feel trust and connection with our partner, we’re able to give and receive support, and yet we have an element of independence that allows both parties to pursue their own interests and interact freely with others.

Anxious-preoccupied Attachment Style

Someone with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style is likely to be clingy, possessive, and insecure. They may not feel confident in themselves or their relationship and subconsciously want their partner to complete them or even to rescue them.

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style

We all need connection in our relationships, but those with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to detach themselves from their loved ones. People with this attachment style frequently take on large responsibilities of the relationship themselves rather than sharing those responsibilities with their partner, and can be emotionally distant.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style are often conflicted between opposing emotions. They have an innate need to be close to others, and yet fear that intimacy at the same time. Their relationships are often dramatic and characterized by strong and conflicting moods.

Tips for Developing a Secure Attachment Style

The good news is that no matter what your attachment style, you can work towards developing a secure attachment style with your partner. The road towards a good relationship is often smoothed when one of you already has a secure attachment style, but the challenges of other styles can be overcome with or without this benefit.

Figure out your attachment style and that of your partner. Discuss together what motivates you to behave as you do, and try to be open, honest, and supportive. By understanding your attachment styles you can work together to develop a secure relationship.
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Build your own self-esteem and that of your partner by expressing love, gratitude, and praise. As you each come to understand your value as individuals you become more comfortable with healthy independence, ​ac​and more able to interact well together.

Resist any urge to pathologize your partner because of his or her attachment style. Better yet, notice any urge to do so and consider looking inward to your own tendency to 'go there'. Recognize that your behavior affects each other. By reassuring one another and extending mutual trust, the two of you can build greater security in your attachment style.

Therapy can also help the two of you to learn your unique strengths and weaknesses. An experienced counselor can give you guidance on what changes you can make both as individuals and as a couple to foster a secure attachment style.

Managing your attachment style or learning to work well with a partner who has a different attachment style can be a challenge, but the rewards are worth the effort. A safe, secure, and mutually beneficial relationship can blossom when you work together as a couple to learn about attachment styles, make positive changes, and support one another through the process.

Manage Anxiety by Slowing Down

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When we become anxious or stressed, our automatic response is to speed up. This is a direct result of the fight-or-flight response with which our nervous system is programmed. In an emergency speeding up makes sense. But most of the stress and anxiety we deal with can be more effectively managed with a counterintuitive response: Slowing down.
 

Slow down your breathing

An easy way to calm yourself down when you feel anxious is to focus on your breathing. If you feel your stress level ramping up, try breathing slowly and deeply from your diaphragm. The simple act of breathing slowly signals your body and mind that you are safe and that there’s no need for anxiety. Other simple tricks you can use to manage anxiety include closing your eyes for a few seconds, gently running your fingers over your lips, or visualizing a calm, safe space.
 

Slow down your movements

We often respond unconsciously to stress and anxiety by speeding up our physical movements, which in turn increases our anxiety. This also tends to lead to mistakes, which increases our anxiety still more. To stop the cycle, try slowing down your actions so that they take longer to perform. It generally only takes a minute or two of calm, deliberate action before you feel more relaxed and in control.
 

Limit multitasking

Although we often feel that multitasking will allow us to get more done, the truth is that it reduces efficiency and increases stress. Organizing your time and tasks to focus on one thing at a time not only helps you manage the anxiety that comes from dividing your attention too many ways at once, it also helps you to accomplish things more quickly and accurately, thus saving you anxiety in the future.
 

Give yourself a time cushion

For time-sensitive tasks, set aside more time than you think you’ll need. This can help you relax, allow you to slow your mental processes to a more natural pace, and enable you to focus on the task at hand rather than the clock or calendar. This can work for everything from writing a report to preparing a meal. Giving yourself a time cushion makes your work more relaxing and enjoyable and can prevent major anxiety from cropping up in the first place. If you find that you’ve gotten the job done faster than expected, reward yourself with a break, or take just a few minutes to get a head-start on your next tasks.

While speeding up can be the first and most natural response to stress, slowing down is often a much better way to manage anxiety. By recognizing your immediate reaction to speed up and deliberately making the decision to slow down instead, you can manage your anxiety effectively and foster an internal feeling of calm.

Clinicians Wanted

We are experiencing very high demand for clinical services in the community and are looking for exceptional clinicians to join us.

 

Please consider applying if you are:

  • A gifted therapist focused on client care.
  • A clinician with great clinical references.
  • Collegial and enjoyable to work with.
  • Confident in your abilities and eager to grow.
  • Interested in being part of a growing group.
  • Licensed (Psychologist, LCSW, LMFT, LPC).
  • Specialize in working with couples and/or kids.

Let us do the marketing, billing, scheduling, credentialing -- all you have to do is provide excellent psychotherapy. We offer:

  • Group Health Insurance.
  • Generous pay with scheduled increases.
  • Retirement plan with matching.
  • Paid Time Off.
  • Licensure benefit.
  • CEU benefit.
  • Comprehensive administrative support from an exceptional, experienced team.
  • A healthy, positive, collaborative work environment.
  • Frequent consultation with an inspiring team of clinicians, including prescribers.
  • Ongoing CEU opportunities.
  • Advancement and supervision opportunities.
  • A 9 year track record of keeping our clinicians' schedules full.
  • A great way to supplement your existing private practice.

 

Apply Here

 

How to Parent So Kids Will Listen

Parenting can feel overwhelming at times, especially when you feel like you aren’t getting through to your kids. This is a very common experience for parents, and it’s important to be patient with both yourself and your children as you teach them. Remember, it’s a learning experience for both of you. These five tips can help you to parent so your kids will listen.

Model Appropriate Behavior

No matter what their age, kids pay attention to their parents’ beliefs, words, and actions, and they incorporate what their parents do into their own behavior. Modeling appropriate behavior for your children on a regular basis can do more to help them than just talking about what they should do. And don’t feel badly if you slip up. We all do things we regret, and when you fall short it can provide an opportunity for you to show your kids how to recognize and learn from mistakes.​​

Establish Expectations and Consequences

Having clear family expectations and consequences for specific behaviors is very helpful for children. Keep rules simple, especially when kids are young, so that expectations are easy to remember and follow. It can be helpful to set expectations and consequences as a family so that children feel involved in the decision-making and are more likely to follow the rules and accept correction.

Make Connections

As a parent, spend time with your kids and develop a positive relationship with them. It’s essential for both of you to take a break from chores, homework, and dos and don’ts to relax, have fun, and connect with each other. Spending time together helps you to understand each other better and makes it much more likely that your children will listen to you and recognize that the way you parent reflects that you love and care about them.

Give and Expect Attention

Listen to your kids when they talk and help them to understand that you expect the same courtesy. No matter how old your children are, wait until you have their attention before you tell them what you have to say. Saying their name and waiting until they respond or making sure you have eye contact are good ways to be sure they are paying attention before you speak. This can save you frustration and lets your children know that you expect them to listen and respond to you.

Be Positive and Patient

Discipline and correction are part of the job of parenthood, but equally important is to recognize the good things your children do. Praising them for good choices builds their self-esteem and reinforces positive behavior. Try to give more praise than correction, and express pride and appreciation whenever you can.

Be patient with yourself as you learn to incorporate these tips and tricks into your daily parenting. Although it takes practice, you can learn to parent so your kids will listen. With consistency, you can build your relationship, open up channels of communication, and teach your children to be their best selves.

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