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Hi there,
2020 has been a struggle. 

I'm rebooting and starting over.

I hit rock bottom last week. Sick over MLK weekend, what was left of my positivity vanished with the start of the workweek. I was drained. I fell asleep just after 7 pm twice with a late night of 8:30 pm. And still had issues getting up in the morning.

I failed to publish a newsletter. I couldn't focus long enough to even put together my unintelligible thoughts.

I'm struggling with my personal goals. I've been a bit socially disconnected, anxiously dodging texts or avoiding making phone calls I needed to make.

My surgically repaired knee is getting re-examined as it's been at the not-quite-injured-but-not-quite-healthy stage since running the Marine Corps Marathon. And, I've been strength training!

All roads led in one direction.

I have a history of bottoming out a few times a year. There were several times in my life, I was definitely functionally depressed. 

As the Army has taught me though, if I can get upright and vertical, I can power through the day. Fake it 'til you make it. It got me through Korea and Afghanistan. It's usually "effective" in the "normal" world.

Farnam Street recently explained how our poker faces are actually much better than we think. And, I feel like I have a good mask on most days.

Fortunately, like a switch being flipped, I rolled out of bed on Friday and the fog was clearing.

I don't know what the cause was, but like personal finance guru Dave Ramsey likes to say nothing changes "until we're sick and tired of being sick and tired."

In a way, I'm grateful for hitting rock bottom as I've been hovering just above for weeks. It's worse stuck in the status quo.

As normalcy returns, I'm getting back to winning the morning. I'm writing. I'm eating better. I'm exercising. I've even broken out of my seclusion bubble.

Will it keep the demons away? For now.

I apologize for 400 words of whining, but I'm trying to keep it real. 

This is the reason I experiment and try as hard as I do with different systems to live a better, more balanced life. I want to manage and avoid these lows.

I've done better the last few years, but sometimes it still hits me hard.

If this year, month, or week has not started as you hoped, reboot and start over.

And, be kind to yourself along the way.
Quote of the Week:

"When we are able to say the following: “I don’t know,” “I made a mistake,” “I’m sorry for causing you pain,” “I’m scared,” “I cried last night,” or “I’m struggling with this,” we actually free up energy because we no longer have to put effort into maintaining our buffers and our illusions. When we open up and admit to our vulnerabilities, we give people the opportunity to safely admit to theirs as well."
- Shane Parrish, "Is Vulnerability a Choice?"
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And, feedback is a gift. Share your thoughts with me!

Have a great week,

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