GRATEFUL FOR THE PAST, HOPEFUL FOR THE FUTURE
It’s another New Year and I expect that you have been inundated with lots of positive and inspiring messages to usher you into this new ‘season’.
For me, the last few weeks have been the most challenging time of my life, as I lost my mom just as we came to the end of December. Suddenly, I was plunged into a state of utter grief. An indescribable feeling of shock, pain and disappointment weighed me down like a ton of bricks! My mind was darkened and clouded at the thought of never again getting to hear my mom’s voice on this side of heaven. I really wanted to have a happy Christmas, but the intermittent tears and the overhanging questions meant that wasn’t really going to be possible
It has not been an easy road and on many days, I have had to pull myself up and remind myself of the beautiful memories my mom created for us. If ever there was a person to be credited for the woman I have become today and even more so, for the singer and creator of music that I have become today, then it is most assuredly my mother - Tina Yinkore (Nee Larri). My earliest memories of listening to and fully appreciating music are from moments spent with her listening to the likes of Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson and Diana Ross. Even as I write this, a smile makes its way across my face, as I visualise my 4 year old self, sat on the sofa, looking up to her and asking about the singers and the meaning of their songs. That tradition (it would seem), has now passed on to the next generation, as I get the same from my two young girls. My older daughter in particular, hears a song and of all the questions an 8 year old would ask, goes ‘who was the producer?’ and ‘can you hear the string section there?!’. For the love of God, sometimes even I didn’t realise there was a string section in the song! Well she plays violin, so that could be a factor.
Whilst the pain I feel is still raw and the loss I have experienced is irreplaceable, I cannot but be grateful for the fact that I got to know and be loved by such a beautiful soul as my mother. Even in my pain, I can say that I truly can find something to be grateful for. The words ‘In everything, give thanks’, come to mind. They obviously would have offered no consolation and made no sense when the blow hit, but with time - to reflect, to cry, to heal - they not only make sense, but also offer some form of comfort.
What is even more reassuring, is the fact that there is a future to look forward to. All I need to do is take a look, through my tear glazed eyes, at my two daughters, laughing heartily as they play with each other. I receive some consolation in the fact that a part of her is in them. What a blessing to have something to look forward to in the future. There is an even greater lesson I learn from watching my children. It is the fact that they have no care in the world - not where their next meal would come from or whether or not the bills would be paid. They may have cares, but they trust us their parents to take care of them. This is what God is reminding me - reminding us - to do this year. To cast our cares (not our responsibilities might I add), unto Him, and like children, to trust him completely to bring us through the highs and lows that are inevitably characteristic of this journey called Life
I know this post may not be filled with bells and whistles, but I hope it has given you a little dose of Hope as we look to God for all He has in store for us this year. Please keep me in your prayers as I am very near completing my next project Keep Walking and will be in studio in the coming weeks and releasing the first song from the album 'Like A Child' this month. Indeed the last few weeks have truly taught me to live out the words in my own music and trust God, simply like a child!
And of course, Happy New Year! :)