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Hi Leakies! Adjusting to motherhood is tough. There are so many challenges we face but sometimes one of the biggest hurdles we have to face are the demons from our past. It's good to know we don't have to go it alone. 
-TLB Team
Dear Leakies, 

Where the perfect parents? I mean, where on earth are all those perfect parents? 

Because they’re not here. 

And I can tell you for certain, they’re not there either. 

We’re not perfect parents. How could we be? We’re a mess. And those who say they aren’t either haven’t had kids yet, or haven’t had their second kid yet and still think they somehow mined pure parenting gold from the rich mines of their intellect and wisdom. I know because I was one of them. Turns out it was fool’s gold. I mean no disrespect for you first-timers. If it’s really easy for you, please enjoy it. But please don’t make the mistake of thinking that your experience should be everyone’s experience. Because it can’t be. And it won’t be for you if you decide to give your baby a sibling. 

Many of us KNOW we’re not perfect parents. We were abused as children. We were abused as teenagers. As adults. We have lost our jobs. We have lost our dreams. We have failed. And failed again. We have struggled. We have been alone. We have loved the wrong person. And loved the wrong person again. We have depended on someone who couldn’t follow through. We have been told that we are failures. We have been told that our opinions don’t matter. We have disappointed so many people, including ourselves. We have been aimless. We have made horrible decisions. We don’t know who we are, or what we want. And if we do know who we are and what we want, we don’t have the guts to go after what we want. We have been addicted.

I'm certainly not perfect- go here to judge me for yourself.

We are not strong enough, wise enough, smart enough, educated enough, rich enough, supported enough, to be parents.

We are a mess. 

And yet, here we are. 

Where are the perfect parents? I will tell you. 

We are. Here we are. Just as perfect as every other imperfect parent out there. 

And we have the power to grow, change, heal, and love ourselves, and the power to grow, guide, and love our children. We can overcome. We too will have imperfect children. But they will not be imperfect like us.

This newsletter is for the broken, imperfect, abused, and scarred parents of the world. Welcome. Ditch the guilt. You are enough. You CAN change. And your story matters too.

Keep loving on,

Jeremy Martin-Weber
Writer, BeyondMoi.com


 

This Week On TLB 

I'll Never Have Children: A Survivor of Sexual Abuse- Thoughts on Becoming A Mother

 

***TRIGGER WARNING***
This story speaks of child abuse survival.

 I still remember the day that I realised that what was happening every summer was wrong, very wrong. I was 10 years old and we were making recycled paper at school. Some kid was talking about something their teenage brother was doing with his girlfriend. I felt sick. I’d already done that.  I’d been made to do “that” since I was 7. Except I wasn’t playing doctors and nurses. What I was being made to do was something that was reserved for consenting adults. The keyword being consenting.
READ MORE

I've Become A Creepy Mom

 

 There are so many things I never imagined I would do before becoming a mother. There was a list that I was aware of but I had no idea that there would be things I would do that I never even considered. My list had the typical items: never let child… whatever, doesn’t matter because we all know that was a joke. I thought I would never use my spit to clean my child’s face (ok, but for real, children are dirty and it is gross but my spit IS actually cleaner than some of the crust I’ve cleaned off their faces), never yell in public (but for real, they do run toward the street like it’s a bouncy house), have my kids in matching clothes (now I consider it a success if the clothes are mostly clean, bonus if they fit), not allow screen time (snort), and all the other typical I’ll-be-the-perfect-parent-don’t-have-kids-yet ideology.  READ MORE

Sexual Assault Awareness and Breastfeeding Advocacy

 

 April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month too.  The mixed feelings I have on this are all on the dark side of my soul.  An awareness that touches me personally in very deep ways.  An awareness I can never let go of and yet I would love to let it go even for just a day, let alone a month.  I am a sexual assault survivor.  So are 2 of my daughters.  So are at least 3 other female members of my extended family.  Three that I know of.  Likely more.  READ MORE

 

Breastfeeding When You Are Sick

 

When it comes to breastfeeding, one of the myths that drives me absolutely crazy and could actually be dangerous for your baby, is the idea that if you as a breastfeeding mom are sick, that you should discontinue breastfeeding until you feel better.

This is advice that is often given to moms by their pediatricians or obstetricians and it’s actually the complete opposite of what you want to do!  READ MORE

Parenting and Feeding Around the Web


Breastfeeding After Assault 
We have an amazing online community we'd love for you to join! Needing positive support in your feeding journey? Have questions about weaning? Supplementing? Breast Pain? We're here to help! Click on our logo to get added or Join The Leaky Boob Community HERE.

Is Food Addiction Real?

 

Do you feel like you have an addiction to food?
Do you think about it all the time? Fixate on it? Crave it constantly? Feel like you have no control once you start? Do you just eat and eat and eat until you are stuffed and miserable? Do you try to put away the chips or cookies, only to find you’re staring blankly at the wall, stuffing them into your face?  
READ MORE

Recipes for Leakies and Littles

 

Beyond Moi

life. family. love.

From Child Abuse Survivor to Parent


“I can’t do it. I can’t spank our children anymore. I just don’t know how to do it in a healthy way. I don’t know where the line is between spanking your children and beating them. I was never spanked; my parents beat the shit out of me. And they were angry when they did. I’m worried that I will do the same thing to our kids. I’ll get angry and I won’t stop when I’m supposed to. I will beat our children out of anger and not even know it. You know what healthy spanking is like, so you need to do it. I can’t do it anymore. I won’t do it anymore.”
READ MORE

Beyond the Power of Silence


There are things that no one wants to talk about – until those things happen to them and then they turn to the anonymous internet where they hope that someone else has done the unthinkable: shared their own experience of that very same thing. But they could never talk about that themselves, could they?
READ MORE

 

My Perfect Stepford Family, or Why I Don't Control My Children

Even our older kids rise up against the power that we have over them as parents. They’re just less obvious about it. “Putting something away” in their room for 15 minutes when we’re all picking up our community space (the parts of our house that we share) together for 20 minutes, for example, when in reality they would rather just read a book on their bed – a preference that they carry out, until they get discovered. Family rules regarding electronics only matter if they get caught breaking them, and then they get to act offended when they get called on it. They are hurt. Deeply wounded. And the injustice is just really hard to cope with.

How dare we, as parents, try to control our children?

 

Join The Conversation!

Risks of Harm From Spanking Confirmed by Analysis of Five Decades of Research

We are a non-spanking family but that hasn't always been the case. We transitioned from spanking to non punitive discipline (no spanking) several years ago. Sharing this is not a judgment on anyone, just wanted to help get the information out there. Take a look at this article and let us know what you think.

Are you spanking family interested in transitioning away from spanking but don't want to resort to yelling and emotional manipulation and need some tools to help with that? Share what you're looking for below, we're working on putting some resources together to help navigate such a transition.

~ Jeremy

 READ MORE

TLB Comics: Isn't It the Leaky Truth
The Breast Crawl, in Reverse + Bonus Frame

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