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No 3


Taking time out for a few minutes of transformational reflection - cappuccinos optional!
Welcome to The Coaching Cafe... I hope you enjoy the round-up of news, special offers and 2-minutes-worth of timely tips. Please feel free to pass on anything to friends who may be interested - or invite them to sign up for their very own copies using the link below! 

'How to Have Better Beliefs - and Happy Experiences!'

Have you ever made assumptions about people and situations that turned out to be inaccurate – or completely off the wall, even?
This happened regularly to Sue – and was beginning to land her in some tricky situations. Then came the mother of all embarrassing experiences, as she arrived at work one morning to see 2 colleagues looking up at her and exploding with laughter behind their hands.
Something snapped; these 2 were always thick as thieves, and had recently been whispering conspiratorially, leaving her out of all their conversations… and now this!
So Sue let rip. She wasn’t sure what she had said, exactly. But she did remember shaking with fury, storming back out of the office, down the corridor and into the Ladies - where she burst into tears.
Sue was now definitely the talk of the office. But she discovered later that until her outburst, her colleagues had hardly registered she was there - far less sent her up - and were mortified that she believed they were aligned against her. When Sue saw them they had just made identical witty comments on their project, and burst out laughing at their synchronicity. Sue had walked in at that very moment.
Enough was enough. How to stop these painful scenarios?
Picking up on her description of her colleagues being ‘as thick as thieves’, I asked Sue if she had had any thoughts about them before arriving at work that awkward morning.
As it happened, Sue clearly recalled thinking about them as she blow-dried her hair… spookily, she had even visualised them ridiculing her and laughing. As she told me about it, she remembered her hackles rising, and feeling suddenly on edge. Her irritation had grown as she travelled in on the train, until she stepped into the office – and the very nightmare scene she had already envisioned.
Sue began to realise that she was actually setting herself up for her embarrassing misapprehensions. As she latched on to a random negative thought, her senses would helpfully ramp it up, presenting it in 3D, glorious technicolour, and surroundsound, until she seethed with indignation. She would then view real-life situations through this filter, often drawing a false conclusion from something quite innocent.
So how to turn this around? Understanding that we actually structure our experiences is the first step. And our response to random thoughts is one important way we do this. In Sue’s case, she allowed the niggling impression that her colleagues were aligned against her to grow unchecked, until one day she visualised the two of them laughing at her – and then made this her reality.
So here is a handy belief checklist!
1. Always, always, question your assumptions. A great opener is ‘What else could this mean?’ Sue had already known that her colleagues were collaborating on a marketing project, but since she hadn’t stopped to consider reasons for their whispering, the information hadn’t filtered into her conscious mind.
2. Follow up with other helpful questions if necessary:
What information could I be leaving out here? Is it only me who is left out of their conversations, or have these 2 been chatting less in general since the start of their project?
Could I be distorting this information? So they laughed – do I have any real basis for interpreting this in negatively?
How far is this a generalisation? Were the 2 colleagues really ‘always’ thick as thieves… or was this impression linked to the start of their project? Have I really been left out of all their conversations? Have they spoken to me at all this week? Once, even? Twice, perhaps? More than that…?
3. If you find yourself imagining negative scenarios, run through the questions above to check out the basis for these. And then…
4. …Use your creative imagination in a way that works for you rather than against you! Do you see/hear yourself arguing with someone? What could happen if you were to visualise chatting happily with them over coffee, instead? Or giving them a hug?
Wishing you a whole heap of happy experiences!
With love
Liz Ray is an award-winning TV Producer/Director and Presenter, and an accredited Life Coach and NLP Trainer. Having overcome many challenges in her own life, including a crippling lack of confidence and an eating disorder, she loves nothing better than facilitating others to be all they were made to be. Liz is married to Mick and has 3 children and 6 grand-children, all of whom are local to Molesey, in Surrey.

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How to be healthy and better-off - with just one coaching session!

I know - it sounds like a joke at best or horrible exaggerated marketing at its worst! But if you are a smoker who has tried and failed to give up the habit, and are keen to now put it behind you once and for all - you really can find yourself both healthier and better-off to boot, with just one specially-targeted coaching session! Here's one client's recent experience:

‘Liz led me through a simple but powerful exercise... and at the end of it, the very thought of cigarettes was literally making me heave. A fortnight later, I realised that not only had I completely stopped smoking, but my alcohol intake had plummeted... the cigarettes had been sending me a message that it was time for a glass of wine! Now that I was living a healthier lifestyle, I consciously began to make better food choices – and my surplus half-stone just disappeared! If you seriously want to give up smoking and rebuild your health, I definitely recommend a targeted coaching session with Liz.'
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