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11/19/21 | 44/52
So last week's email had a couple mistakes that I meant to fix but forgot to. My apologies for the awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Hopefully you got the idea and weren't too confused. The good thing is every week I get another shot at it. So please read and enjoy and then go make the most of this beautiful day.
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the power came from the peppermint
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I love Lifetime holiday movies! I know that's not really cool or...I don't know...punk? They are predictable and sentimental and excellent background viewing while you do anything at all. They have a rigid belief system on the opposite end of the spectrum from my personal ideology. I am a childless atheist who loves cities. If I was a character in one of these movies I would certainly be the villain among the cast of doting grandparents, plucky orphans and hometown sweethearts. I would be the person recommending that we close down the old, on the verge of bankruptcy, Christmas tree farm and sell to developers who plan to open a destination hotel that will put the gingerbread bed and breakfast out of business. Still I love them and they stay in heavy rotation until December 25th. Then of course I forget them completely until the following November. I think a big part of it is that I want people to find happiness and that always happens in these movies. People who are searching find what they are looking for. The thing they need but don't know they need. Even the side characters, usually played by familiar co-stars of old sitcoms, find their perfect fit. Sometimes there are Christmas concerts with uplifting songs. Occasionally there is a supernatural Santa Claus element.
Last week I caught the end of a movie about a prince and his true love on Christmas. I assume he was incognito and there were a series of easily avoidable problems that were not easily avoided and led to a complicated courtship. At the point I tuned in all the problems had been solved and they were video chatting with his royal family who did not seem to know what pancakes were. This caused me a lot of distress. How could people in England not know about pancakes in this day and age? Do they understand what they are missing? Pancakes are awesome! I decided to do a little digging and it turns out I might not be getting the straight truth from these Lifetime Holiday movies. Some other things that might not be accurate: every small town does not have two competing toy stores across the street from each other, every outpost in Alaska does not have a thriving gay bar with a nightly drag revue, giant corporations don't normally announce job promotions at their Christmas parties, giant corporations don't normally hold their Christmas parties on x-mas eve, every chubby elderly man with a white beard isn't automatically Saint Nick, offering a good gingerbread cookie isn't enough to sustain a bakery in a town with a population of less than a hundred, your old high school crush isn't the most perfect human being to ever breathe air, and sometimes little kids can be jerks.
Now I'm not going to let that ruin things for me. I'll just watch this movies with a more critical eye. I also decided I should contribute to the genre so here is the plot summary for the Lifetime movie I think they should make. I tried my best to cover all the bases and color within the lines.
Cozy Christmas on Kringle Mountain
Sharlene's favorite relative Aunt Ginny has passed away and left her the family's' Log Cabin Inn so she needs to take off time from her super stressful digital advertising job in Terrible City USA. If she can finish the big project on time she will become the president of the company but the Log Cabin Inn needs a lot of work. The good news is her Aunt Ginny has been employing her old high school prom date, John, as a recently widowed, acoustic guitar playing, snow plowing, secret artisanal blacksmith, handy man. He doesn't want her to sell to Winston Stone, the suit wearing, mustache twirling, Christmas hating, Blackheart Developing Corporation lackey, who plans to burn the Log Cabin Inn and salt the earth. She can't stay in Terrible City and run the Log Cabin Inn so she really doesn't have a choice. She has so many great memories of holidays with Aunt Ginny and after a lot of teasing and arguing, John decides to show her the secret blacksmithing he's been doing with his daughter. Then they agree to convert the Log Cabin Inn to a year round concert venue for acoustic guitar Christmas music. The Log Cabin Inn is being haunted by Santa who spooks the Blackheart Developing Corporation stooge into changing his mind and, instead, burning down Terrible City. Since all cities are now gone, Sharlene's digital advertising agency has to relocate to Hometownville and make her president. This will happen at her Christmas night combination wedding and concert. A local sweet old lady brings in a hot plate of gingersnaps and dances with ghost Santa. Sharlene and John will grow old and turn into these people.
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This week we are back with a feline friend of the week! Exciting! Gonzo was sent over by Jimmy who is a fantastic friend to cats and curbs across the city.
If you would like your best furry friend, most delicate butterfly or snuggliest animal associate to be featured email me 3 pictures of them and I will do my best to try and capture their essence.
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Next week's email will arrive on Black Friday so I'm going to try and highlight a couple places and organizations that you might consider checking out.
If you ever miss an email or you see that it's Friday and no email has been delivered, you can always check out the archive link on the Serial Dispatch instagram. If you know anyone who might enjoy this weekly special delivery send them in that direction so they can see if they'd like to join the list. Let's make it happen.
Solid,
Tim
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