Hello everybody, if you've read this far - then thank you!
I guess with this newsletter I would like to 'attempt' to create a continuation of a meaningful relationship with you with some personal content albeit via this medium of the internet, which it has to be said - in more ways than one - has actually proved very beneficial during these pandemic times.
As I write this (I will probably send this actual email much later than today's date), I am reflecting on one week's anniversary of my Grandmother's passing. So I just wanted to briefly touch upon this topic of mortality and death: a) because it's close to my heart at the moment and b) it's relevant in light of the pandemic which has highlighted to me our society's lack (at large) of regard toward death, its implications and its influence on life.
Death has been my greatest teacher. It sparked my inquiry into life, into this 'soul searching' you could say. The death of my Grandfather 6 years ago spurred in me a complete existential crisis.
I was truly in an abyss of inertia... frightened and uncomfortable. There were no techniques or tools I could call upon from any sort of education - formal or informal - that would allow me to understand or process death.
Here in lies the problem. Death is somehow stigmatized... perhaps understandably so - it's a much too large topic to go into here - but it is understandable. Briefly, it's the uncertainty of death that frightens us.
However I would like to ask you two things:
1. all the suffering we face in life: anxieties, worries, fears, lamentations of past events and so forth - if they disappear with death then is that bad? Should we fear that relief?
2. then, can we fear something that we've never actually experienced? You know it's the same moral dilemma as 'should we judge someone before we've met them'?
These are your answers to contemplate.
Life is literally full of uncertainty and it is also constantly in flux with death. As I'm writing this - cells and neurons have died, whilst less tangible items such as thoughts have been and gone (died). So death is constantly beating with the rhythm of life.
I like to feel it this way now: death gifts my life with purpose.
If I realize this I don't worry about death but rather see it as the loving entity, just as a family member let's say, that is encouraging me to embrace life - all of it's good, bad, dark and ugly, bright and beautiful.
I now reflect on my Granny's death with a gleeful smile. Of course I am sad that she is 'gone', that I won't physically feel her presence. But her passing gives me a wealth of joy because it really puts into bright contrast our bond, our love - how she shaped me as person, taught me things and framed how I interact with the world.
Her life lives through me. Life - and death - is much more complex than we first think. Her death is only the beginning of a new phase of her life as breathed and felt in my heart.
If you have any thoughts around this, if you're struggling with any of these issues, please reach out.
Thanks for reading. Big love. Robbie x